Guillotines & Melons & Kumquats, Oh My!

Posted July 13, 2012




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Links to previous Bastille Day stories –

2006 -- Tancredi celebrates Bastille Day

2007 -- I al-most forgot to remind ev-ery-one zat eet ees BASTILLE DAY!

2008 -- Yup, it’s BASTILLE DAY again!

2009 -- Forget BASTILLE DAY? *Nevaire!*

2010 -- Liberté, Égalité, MATERNITÉ!

2011 -- No Country for Grumpy Old Frenchmen



Basil: Eh… so that’s wot Jerry Lewis is all about then –

Marjolaine: I would to say zat was not ‘ees best work – an’ eet lose some-theeng een ze translation, n’est pas?



Young Tancredi: Maman, Mamanguess, guess what eet ees zat Hippolyte et moi just to see!!!

Basil: Hey, hey, down in front! Yer a set’a double doors, you two are –

Marjolaine: I cannot to guess; zere are zo many possi-bilites, mon cher énergique *smile*. Hippolyte, come to Maman; vite, vite, mon couer



Young Tancredi: Une GUILLOTINE!!! An’ eet ees real – eet works – like zees –

Basil: Wot th’ – **double-take**



Basil: ‘Ere now, Marji, when did ye pop out TWO more o’them???

Marjolaine: I am teemp-ted to say zat you were not lee-sening when I to tell you *chuckle* –

Young Hippolyte: Oh, ma-ma! *starts crying*

Young Tancredi: An’ ze blade eet DROP – crash! An’ zeead – SLASH! Eet fall, een ze bas-ket – *gesturing*




Marjolaine: Zere ees a, what zey call “Spa-tial Anoma-ly” un-der zees maison, an’ eet make to appear zese lee-tle ones zat you see are our Tancredi an’ Hippolyte when zey were enfants

Young Hippolyte: *snuffle-sob-sniff*…



Basil: Well, I’ll be jiggered – “Spatial Anomaly”, eh… *exhales* There’s a relief then – I think!

Young Tancredi: An’ zen zey ‘old up ze se-veredead for ze mob to see *makes crowd noise* –




Young Tancredi: An’ zere eet eesregarde, Maman!  Just as I say to you –

Marjolaine: Oui, ma garçon, Maman regardeeet ees indeed zat in-fer-nal machine of ze Terror –

Young Hippolyte: Oh…

Basil: Heh, you snuck up on us, my Frenchy son – didn’t hear yer squeaky wheels THIS year, HAR!

Tancredi: Oui, I grea-sed ze wheels of ze Jus-tice, zat zey catch ze ty-rants un-awarez



Young Tancredi: An’ ‘ere ees ze rope, zat con-trol ze blade – let eet go, an’ WHOOSH! Pas de tête –

Young Hippolyte: Ooooh, ‘Credieet eestrès grande! *trembles*

Basil: Not that I’m a nervous Nelly or such, but ye think that thing’s safe with’ kids around?

Marjolaine: I to agree weez your Papa, cher

Tancredi: Tant pis –an’ I am steel ‘ere! Be-sides, zere are o-zhers een in zees maison  who weesh to use eet, zo



Precious Peony: You got dat right, Frenchy – our cousins de Sparrows tol’ us you be bringin’ out you special melon-cutter, so here we are, wit’ de BEST melons in tow!

Joyful Cricket: Hello, everyone – oh, is that Ms. Marjolaine I see?

Bitter Melon: Yeh, you see right, Sister, dat her – d’o I wunner why she in DIS dump, huh! Fodat matter, why WE here?



Marjolaine: Bonjour – quelle surprise to see you, Les Rossignolettes! I thought you were on tour –

Precious Peony: Eh, we take break from de concert biz, come see our low-rent cousins!

Bitter Melon: Yeh, see how de odder 99% live

Joyful Cricket: Oh yes, we wanted a change of scene – and to see this famous melon-cutter in action!

Tancredi: Ze guillotine awaits, lee-tle nigh-ten-gales (though to moi you look to be Spar-rows weez ze make-o-ver, hm?) –

Basil: Eh, if they chirp like sparrows, they’re sparrows after all *snort*.



Marjolaine: Eef you ask nicely, zey weel show you zat zey sing like ze nigh-ten-gales, mon cher

Basil: Mebbe later – wouldn’t want to put ‘em off their feed, har! More like vultures, looks to me –

Precious Peony: *waves spoon* Ah – dat some FINE melon, eh, sister?

Joyful Cricket: Oh my, yes, SO refreshing, especially when one slices it oneself!

Tancredi: Zo, Madamoiselle Me-lon, I see zat you do not par-take of ze fruit zat bear tu nom – pourquoi?

Bitter Melon: Eh, can’t stand it – so I bring KUMQUAT fo’ ME *hmph*.



Not to fear, no Youngs were harmed in the making of this story. As for melons and kumquats, well… they deserve what they get!


Conventions aren’t just in Vegas; however –



What Happens at BJDC Doesn’t Stay at BJDC



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