ANGRYSPARROW.NET
Guillotines
& Melons & Kumquats, Oh My!
Posted July 13, 2012
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Links to previous Bastille Day stories –
2006 -- Tancredi celebrates
Bastille Day
2007 -- I
al-most forgot to remind ev-ery-one
zat eet ees
BASTILLE DAY!
2008 -- Yup,
it’s BASTILLE DAY again!
2009 -- Forget
BASTILLE DAY? *Nevaire!*
2010 -- Liberté, Égalité, MATERNITÉ!
2011 -- No
Country for Grumpy Old Frenchmen
Basil: Eh… so that’s wot
Jerry Lewis is all about then –
Marjolaine: I would to say zat
was not ‘ees best work – an’ eet
lose some-theeng een ze translation, n’est pas?
Young Tancredi: Maman, Maman – guess, guess what eet ees zat Hippolyte
et moi just
to see!!!
Basil: Hey, hey, down in front! Yer
a set’a double doors, you
two are –
Marjolaine: I cannot to guess; zere
are zo many possi-bilites, mon cher énergique *smile*. Hippolyte,
come to Maman; vite, vite, mon
couer –
Young Tancredi: Une GUILLOTINE!!! An’ eet ees real – eet works – like zees –
Basil: Wot th’
– **double-take**
Basil: ‘Ere now, Marji,
when did ye pop out TWO more o’them???
Marjolaine: I am teemp-ted
to say zat you were not lee-sening
when I to tell you *chuckle* –
Young Hippolyte: Oh, ma-ma! *starts crying*
Young Tancredi: An’ ze blade eet DROP – crash! An’ ze
‘ead – SLASH! Eet
fall, een ze bas-ket – *gesturing*
Marjolaine: Zere ees a, what zey call “Spa-tial Anoma-ly” un-der zees maison, an’ eet
make to appear zese lee-tle
ones zat you see are our Tancredi
an’ Hippolyte when zey were
enfants –
Young Hippolyte: *snuffle-sob-sniff*…
Basil: Well, I’ll be jiggered – “Spatial
Anomaly”, eh… *exhales* There’s a relief then – I think!
Young Tancredi: An’ zen
zey ‘old up ze se-vered ‘ead for ze mob to see *makes crowd noise* –
Young Tancredi: An’ zere eet ees – regarde, Maman! Just as I say to you –
Marjolaine: Oui, ma garçon, Maman regarde – eet ees
indeed zat in-fer-nal machine of ze Terror –
Young Hippolyte: Oh…
Basil: Heh, you snuck up on us, my Frenchy
son – didn’t hear yer squeaky wheels THIS year, HAR!
Tancredi: Oui, I grea-sed ze wheels of ze Jus-tice, zat zey catch ze ty-rants
un-awarez –
Young Tancredi: An’ ‘ere ees ze rope, zat con-trol ze blade – let eet go, an’ WHOOSH! Pas
de tête –
Young Hippolyte: Ooooh, ‘Credi…eet ees…très grande! *trembles*
Basil: Not that I’m a nervous Nelly or such,
but ye think that thing’s safe wi’
th’ kids around?
Marjolaine: I to agree weez
your Papa, cher –
Tancredi: Tant pis –an’ I am steel ‘ere! Be-sides, zere
are o-zhers een in zees maison who weesh to use eet, zo –
Precious
Peony: You got
dat right, Frenchy – our
cousins de Sparrows tol’ us you be bringin’ out you special melon-cutter, so here we are, wit’
de BEST melons in tow!
Joyful
Cricket: Hello,
everyone – oh, is that Ms. Marjolaine I see?
Bitter
Melon: Yeh, you
see right, Sister, dat her – d’o
I wunner why she in DIS dump, huh! Fo’ dat matter, why WE here?
Marjolaine: Bonjour
– quelle surprise
to see you, Les Rossignolettes!
I thought you were on tour –
Precious
Peony: Eh, we
take break from de concert biz, come see our low-rent cousins!
Bitter
Melon: Yeh, see
how de odder 99% live –
Joyful
Cricket: Oh yes,
we wanted a change of scene – and to see this famous melon-cutter in action!
Tancredi: Ze guillotine awaits, lee-tle nigh-ten-gales (though to moi you look to be Spar-rows weez ze make-o-ver, hm?) –
Basil: Eh, if they chirp like sparrows, they’re
sparrows after all *snort*.
Marjolaine: Eef you ask nicely, zey weel show you zat zey sing like ze nigh-ten-gales, mon cher –
Basil: Mebbe later – wouldn’t want to put ‘em
off their feed, har! More like vultures,
looks to me –
Precious
Peony: *waves
spoon* Ah – dat some FINE melon, eh, sister?
Joyful
Cricket: Oh my,
yes, SO refreshing, especially when one slices it oneself!
Tancredi: Zo, Madamoiselle Me-lon, I see zat you do not par-take of ze
fruit zat bear tu nom – pourquoi?
Bitter
Melon: Eh,
can’t stand it – so I bring KUMQUAT fo’
ME *hmph*.
Not to fear, no Youngs were harmed in the
making of this story. As for melons and kumquats, well… they deserve what they
get!
Conventions aren’t just in Vegas; however –
What Happens at BJDC Doesn’t Stay at BJDC
