No Country for Grumpy Old Frenchmen

Posted July 14, 2011




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Previous Bastille Day stories -

2006: Tancredi celebrates Bastille Day

2007: I al-most forgot to remind ev-ery-one zat eet ees Bastille Day!

2008: Yup, it's BASTILLE DAY again!

2009: Forget BASTILLE DAY? *Nevaire!*

2010: Liberte, Egalite, MATERNITE!



It would appear that yet more Lauvergeons have come to visit – namely, Marjolaine’s younger half-brother, Verdigris, and his teen-age daughter Cunégonde



Basil: *muttering* Bloody inconsiderate of these Frenchies to just drop in –

Headphones: When I'm drivin' in my car
And the man comes on the radio
He's tellin' me more and more
About some useless information
Supposed to drive my imagination…



Marjolaine: Do not to mind Ba-sil, mon frère – I am ‘ap-py to see you. An’ to what do we owe ze plaisir of your com-pany? You know zat Maman, she would like for you to vi-sit ‘er now an’ then –

Verdigris: Oui – but you know ‘ow ees Maman, she in-sist you must come to ‘er, zen she say you stay TOO long; see-lee old wo-man!



Cunégonde: Look ‘oo ees tal-king *hmph*…



Marjolaine: C’est vraiMaman, she ees al-ways to change her mind, zo I pay ‘er no mind, and do what needs be do-ing, wheen I am zere

Verdigris: Zo wise are you; but you al-ways to know ‘ow to ma-nage ze old vache! *dirty French chuckle*

Basil: Wot’s on the telly **click**… mebbe this’ll drown ‘em out –

Headphones: …When I'm watchin' my TV
And a man comes on and tells me
How white my shirts can be
But he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke
The same cigarettes as me…



Cunégonde: **sees little weeping Buddha** Le Pauvre – I sym-pathize, I do…



Basil:gotta be a game on somewhere in th’ world **flip-flip-flip-flip** –

Headphones: …I can't get no, I can't get no
I can't get no satisfaction, no satisfaction
No satisfaction, no satisfaction
I can't get no…


Marjolaine: Qu’est-ce que?... Do you ‘ear zat sound, Verdi?

Verdigris: Ouizat I do! What-ev-er could zat be – ?



Tancredi: Zat, mon oncle, ees ze sound of liberté in ac-tion! To-day ees ze anniversaire of ze fall of ze Bastille, and ze commence-ment of France’s libera-tion from ze tyrants!

Marjolaine: Ah, zo you still ‘ave zat guillotine; I must to say eet ees authen-tic –

Verdigris: Mon Dieu! I ‘ave on-lee seen one in ze livres d’histoire, but zat was wheen I was un petit garçon

Basil: Eh, son, ye make a better door’n a window – yer gonna get in the way o’the telly!

Headphones: …You better stop, look around, here it comes,

Here it comes, here it comes,
Here it comes. Here comes your nine-teenth nervous breakdown…

Tancredi: I weesh to bring to ze life our glorious histoire – as I am a true son of France, zo zat no-one for-get!

Basil: Don’t ferget yer my half-English son – and a mighty fine door, too, HAR!



Tancredi: Zen I am une porte!

Basil: Port, door – suit yerself, son. Guess I’ll shelve telly then. **puts aside remote**

Headphones: …You were still in school when you had that fool who really messed your mind.
And after that you turned your back on treating people kind.
On our first trip I tried so hard to rearrange your mind.
But after while I realized you were disarranging mine…

Marjolaine: Ba-sil, ‘e ees correct; you are on-lee ‘alf Français, Tancredi

Verdigris: Your maman, she speak ze truth, nephew –



Tancredi: But – but ‘ow can YOU be so ca-sual about zees ‘oliday! Af-ter all, YOU are both Freench! ‘Ave you no pride een our country’s great accomplish-ment, throwing off ze chains of op-pression?

Headphones: …It's three a.m., there's too much noise
Don't you people ever wanna go to bed?
'Cause you feel so good
Do you have to drive me out of my head?...



Marjolaine: Oh, oui, zat was a splendid gesture, but – you must to remember zat our famille, eet ees not all Freench. We are aussi Tahitian, et Indochine

Verdigris: Et mon père, ‘e ees ze musi-cian Johnny ‘allyday, ‘oo ees part Belgique, zo I am not zo Freench ei-ther



Cunégonde: AAAAARGH – can zis get a-ny more STUPIDE?

Buddha Girl: Hey evvybody! It dat time’a year – we gots WATTERMELON dat needs cuttin’ –

Imperious Jade: An’ so does dis key rhyme pie I bring, too –

Angry Sparrow: Yeh, an’ I want some a’ bot’ –

Tragic Plum: Ooooh, and I’ve got BOTH watermelons, squashing both my LEGS… ooooooh



Marjolaine: Ah, c’est mon amie cherie, Im-perious Jade! Quelle surprise – ça va?

Imperious Jade: Eh, I pretty good. Here, have dis pie! Key rhyme!

Buddha Girl: Oh good, Frenchy, you gots you big cutter out – you know it WATTERMELON time again! We borrow dat, like usual –

Tancredi: Very well, lee-tle Tweets; I know ‘owappy eet make you, for to see ze red red juices flow –

Headphones: …I said, "Hey, you, get off of my cloud
Hey, you, get off of my cloud
Hey, you, get off of my cloud
Don't hang around 'cause two's a crowd
On my cloud"…

A little later…


Headphones: …Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game…

Basil: Hmmmmm?...

Buddha Girl: Eh, Frenchy, why you start smokinagin?

Angry Sparrow: Yeh, don’ you know it no good fo’ you?

Tancredi: But I ne-ver to STOP ze fumer een ze first place!

Marjolaine: Your dia-mond, c’est magnifique!where deed eet come from?

Imperious Jade: Tanks – it pretty swell rock alright, d’o de gent wat give it me, he jus’ a swell HEAD. *chuckle*

Cunégonde: So… zisappen EVERY year?

Tragic Plum: Oooo, yes… more or less… we always kill the watermelons… oooooh

Verdigris: Zees ees ze smallest wa-ter-melon zat I e-ver to see…



Verdigris and Cunégonde got quite the welcome, and Tancredi learned more than he wanted to know about his lineage!


Meantime, it appears Alma survived her lunch with Easton



Analyze *This*



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