Draculina’s Helper

(or lack thereof)

Posted February 20, 2012 by Clara




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Draculina: Hmmmm, nice job of decorating the wall, Martha Jean. However, I do not understand your use of these television and movie vampires. I specifically asked you to utilize only pictures of the old masters.

Marty Jean: *with attitude* Yeah, well using pictures of good looking vampire guys made up a little bit for me having to wear this dorky dress for you.



Draculina: That dress will suit my purposes with perfection, as you will soon see. Now, go and find that young miscreant and bring him to me.



Draculina: But first, let me arrange myself appropriately in my chair. This should do nicely.

Marty Jean: Oh yes, you look properly intimidating if that’s the look you're going for. *rolls her eyes*

Draculina: *warning* Be careful, Martha Jean. I will brook no nonsense on this. Besides, I am doing this for you and your silly girlfriend, as you are aware. Now off with you and bring back the bait.



Marty Jean obediently leaves the room, still stinging a bit from being forced to wear the fluffy white frock, but returns shortly with “the bait.”


Draculina: Ah, young Wessex, I presume? Come a little closer, boy, and let me look you over. I think you will do nicely, but I need to be absolutely sure.

Wessex: *looks around the room a bit nervously* Do? I only just arrived here. What could I possibly have to “do” for you?

Draculina: Thank you for asking, although I assure you – you permission is neither welcome or required. Martha Jean, you did not give him any advance information regarding his purpose here? *sternly* On your knees, young man! I’m getting a tired neck from looking up at you. And believe me, if my neck hurts, your neck is going to hurt worse, if you do not do as you are told.



Marty Jean: No, Draculina, I haven't given him advance intel about this. *under her breath* As if I knew any to give him.

Draculina: Very well then. Wessex, you have been asked to live with us because I need another ….. Marty Jean, what is the word I am looking for here?

Marty Jean: I’m sure I don’t have a clue, Draculina.

Wessex: Draculina? That’s your name? And hey – I came here to get away from my insufferable brother. Not for any purpose that you might have.



Draculina: *arches a brow at him* I believe it is in your best interests to rethink your position, young man. Martha Jean, I thought you told me that your source said he would be … ah …. Compliant and amenable. I am not finding this to be the case and I fear that I may have to teach him a better way.

Marty Jean: *dramatically* No, Draculina! Not THAT!!!!! Let’s give him at least a chance before you do anything so drastic.

Wessex: Drastic? And what source??!! What is going on here? *Looks from Draculina to Marty Jean*

Draculina: Oh, very well, Martha Jean. *smiles with a little dimple* I just can’t refuse you anything, can I? *turns back to Wessex* All right. To be as succinct as possible, I need another target to lure prey for me. Although I am still young, beautiful and vital-looking, the truth is, I don’t have the energy to chase after – oh, what is the word I am looking for, Martha Jean? *turns back to Wessex without waiting for an answer* Be that as it may, Martha Jean has served me admirably over the years luring young men to me for my voracious appetites and sipping pleasure. But she is not very good at luring the young women to me. I’m sorry, Marty Jean. I hope I have not hurt your feelings.

Marty Jean: *muffled giggles in the back of Draculina’s chair* Oh no, Draculina, not at all.



Draculina: Still with me, young Wessex?

Wessex: *pales* Uh, I’m not sure….

Draculina: Let me make it easy for you then. You were summoned to this household to be my bait for young women. You would probably think that I would only have an appetite for the blood of young men, but I am a vampiress of various and ecclectic tastes. Isn’t that so, Martha Jean?

Marty Jean: *nearly suffocating at this point in an attempt to hide her giggles* Oh yes, Draculina. It is so.



Wessex: No! I am NOT doing that! I came to this house entirely on my own volition. I was NOT invited here – I simply had a disagreement with my brother and decided to seek lodgings that did not include him in them.



Draculina: Martha Jean, I am sorely disappointed. Did you not speak clearly to your sources in the Beamlette household regarding my desires in this matter? Did I not clearly explain to you what you were to tell your source? I was clearly under the impression that there would be no problem with this subject. I am terribly grieved and disappointed in the attitude of this young man.

Marty Jean: *breathless* I DID tell my source why you wanted him, Draculina. But perhaps the source did not explain it to him before he moved here? Perhaps they colluded with his brother to make him think that his moving here was HIS idea?

Wessex: My damnable brother! I see his fine hand in this plot! I will not stay here! I will not be BAIT to your prey, Ms. Vampire. You can bite my neck, but I still will not lure blood to you! I’m leaving this instant, I tell you! Leaving!!!!


And with that, Wessex leaves the room in a huff.
Draculina: Martha Jean, you had better follow him and make sure he leaves without any further difficulty.

*Marty Jean leaves the room*



Draculina: *smiling at you* The sacrifices I make for Martha Jean and her friends. Would that young Wessex had not found it necessary to kiss Marty Jean’s little friend barely upon his arrival. I really think the young man had potential for this household.






Wessex: Now I see how my pusillanimous excuse for a brother was behind this sham “trip”, from beginning to end! It was bad enough that the journey made a mockery of civilized travel [link to Wessex’ travelogue: A Letter to a Brother and a Welcome Home ], but I found myself among far worse companions. Underage sirens, and a vampire Madam! The hand of my juvenile-minded brother was ALL over this!

Faye: Travel didn’t broaden him much, did it? *giggle*

Warwick: **makes talky-hand gesture** Uh-huh…yada-yada-yada



Framed, he was framed, I tells ya!


Easter fared slightly better, with this little ditty to mark the day –



An Easter *Tail* – er, TALE!



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