A Tale of Two Trollops
Posted July 31, 2007
Gobnait: So, parading around in your undies today, eh, BV – making it easy for Waramon?
Black Violet: Ah, this abominably hot weather of yours here – I decided to pare down to the basics. And if it provides ease and convenience for the big W, so much the better.
Gobnait: Waramon also appreciates style and imagination --
Black Violet: I daresay Waramon will find MY outfit the more fetching of the two of ours – yours is a little busy, Gobby.
Gobnait: Not hardly. MINE is an eye-catcher. Yours is dull and drab.
Black Violet: Hon, there is a big difference between eye catching and eye sore. You, my fellow tart, are in the latter category.
Gobnait: Who you talkin’ about a sore eye – you’re the one with sore eyes, mascara whore!
Black Violet: Now look who’s calling the eyes black, “Uncle Fester” –
Gobnait: Goblin! **shove**
Black Violet: Skank! **slap**
Boudicca: My, my, it’s the season for little white TROLLS to come out from under their bridges!
Boudicca: The heat does drive out the vermin, so really it’s no surprise this time of year. I do find it amusing that Ms. Beamlette saw fit to IMPORT more –
Gobnait: *under breath* Speakin’ of imports --
Black Violet: *also under breath* Blimey Limey, eh?
Boudicca: I know not everyone is fortunate to be as tall and willowy as me -- but then, I would lose my singularity if this were so. Some of us must be closer to the ground – the better to seek out nuts, berries and truffles, I suppose –
Gobnait: Huh -- !
Black Violet: Uh-huh…
Gobnait: Mmm, OSTRICH! I’ve heard a lot about their being good eating – *chomp*
Boudicca: Here now, you overmade cannibal! –
Black Violet: I didn’t know ostriches had feathers THIS shade –
Gobnait: You’re not going anywhere, you oversize fowl!
Boudicca: AAAAH!!! Give that back, you primitive organism!
Black Violet: Heck, no – I’ve always wanted to hunt for my own real Big Bird!
Black Violet: Now be sure you make a wish before we pull, Gobby!
Gobnait: She’s a tough old bird, but I got a hold here –
Boudicca: *shrieking* NOOOOO – STOP IT, you hobgoblins!!!
Gobnait: **brushing off hands** Well, BV, that should show that Brit stilt. So you’re not keeping the wig?
Black Violet: **flinging it over her shoulder** Nawww… I think it has nits.
Boudicca: NITS!!! HOW DARE YOU!!! Pick me up, NOWWWW!!!!
**sound of computer keys clicking**
Persephone: M’lady is unintelligible today… **click-click-click**
Boudicca: I have just had one of THE worst days of my life… and I crave sympathy, any sympathy, even yours, miniscule cousin.
Persephone: Define, “worst” – a hangnail, or a veruca that spoils the aesthetics of your sandal-wearing? **click-click-clickclick**
Boudicca: Mock me not, for I have had more than my share today, at the hands of those two phosphorescent dwarves by the names of Gobnait and Black Turnip –
Persephone: Black Violet, you mean –
Boudicca: Violet, turnip – some sort of planty thing!
Persephone: And why do I suspect that this abuse wasn’t entirely unwarranted -- ?
Boudicca: No! It was most certainly NOT! I merely pointed out their shortcomings, that they might have some basis from which to make improvements, and they most viciously and bodily assaulted my person, and disrespected my hair, my lovely hair -- *swoon*.
Persephone: Ah – the key here is the word short in “shortcomings”. Those of us of more modest height find that distasteful, throwing that in our faces. By what method did they assault and disrespect you?
Boudicca: They snatched my wig from my head, capered around with it on their pointy little noggins, then proceeded to pull me like the wishbone of a Christmas turkey –
Persephone: *SNERK* Oh – do pardon me for that rude noise. Entirely involuntary! *snicker*
Boudicca: ‘Tis no surprise – just one more LITTLE indignity in my day – hmph.
Alas, poor Boudicca – surrounded by midgets!
Black Violet has a soft side (really!), and we get to see a glimpse in this story –