ANGRYSPARROW.NET
Tell Santa What You
Want
Posted December 23, 2008
[Home]
[Biographies] [Stories]
[Links]
E’Clair: There, sweetheart – don’t want Santa to see a smudge on your pretty
little face -- **administers Kleenex**
Lovechild: *sigh* Yes, maman… (Why do mothers insist on cleaning with
spit?)
Lovechild: So, maman
has turned photographer – that is an impressive camera.
E’Clair: Well, sweetie, this will be a very special picture. It’s not every day
Santa comes to visit, but you have been a VERY good girl, you know, so I know
he’ll listen carefully to what you ask him for.
Lovechild: I take it then, that YOU believe he’s real?
E’Clair: Indeed he is – and HERE he is -- Santa!
Santa: ‘Allo, ‘allo, eet ees Père Noel, come to lee-sen to ze wishes of a ver-ee good lee-tle jeune fille. Ah, zere is she -- c’est bonne! Come sit weez moi.
Lovechild: Maman, where did you say you found this, um,
Santa, anyway?
E’Clair: Now sweetie, please smile –
Santa: Do as maman
asks you, so zat she may make ze
photographie jolie for to
re-member zees mo-ment een l’histoire de tu vie --
Lovechild: Hmph. I don’t believe you’re really Santa – or
that there IS a Santa.
Lovechild: I mean, you speak like my papa,
and you even stink of Galoises like he does –
E’Clair: Now, Lovechild, don’t be so cross with Santa, and look this way –
Santa: But Père Noel, ‘e knows zat
you are part-lee Française,
so ‘e weesh to make sure your patrie eet
ees re-spected.
Lovechild: Well, I don’t believe
you are Santa AT ALL, and I don’t appreciate being deceived like this -- papa! *tosses head*
Santa: While I am flat-tered zat
you should to mees-take moi for such a ‘andsome fel-low, I as-sure you,
lee-tle one, zat I am
indeed ze gen-uine Père Noel –
Buddha Girl: Hey, SANTY! Down here! ‘Bout time you show up -- we gots
some DISCUSSIN’ to do wit you!
Angry Sparrow: Yeh, you get by las’
year when you sen’ you son, but dis
year diff’ent.
Tragic
Lovechild: Looks like you are in for it, papa.
Santa: Mes oiseaux
petites, do not to jump to the conclusions maintenant --
What ees your complaint weez
old Père Noel, any-way? ‘E on-lee weesh you ze best, ‘e does –
Buddha Girl: Dat may be de case, but we figger
we REALLY owed dis year! Ms. Beamlette
took us wit’ her to Or’gon ‘n’ Wash’ton
week before las’, but she only let us outta our bag TWICE –
Angry Sparrow: Yeh, we got cheated of a swell time –
Tragic
Buddha Girl: See, she took us out when she an’ Ms. Clara on de train, but all we do
is fall down e’vy time it make sudden move – well, ‘cept me, ‘cause I gots c’ordination, ya know –
Angry Sparrow: It a real jerky ride, all right. Dey gots goofy drivers.
Tragic
Buddha Girl: Den only udder time she take us out, it for coffee, not even a REAL meal
– an’ it AWFUL drafty in dere too – dunno WAT dat about!
Angry Sparrow: Yeh, it get up my
skirt.
Tragic
E’Clair: I’m sorry you didn’t have a very fun trip, little Sparrows, but he’s
busy right now with Lovechild –
Santa: Oui
-- I deed not breeng ma-ny
pre-sents, as I’ad to tra-vel light. Ze airlines zey make eet ‘ard
to breeng theengs weez you any-more –
Lovechild: Like your REINDEER, Santa? *sarcastic*
Buddha Girl: Eh, we really not ask much – we jus’ wanna
TALK to Santy, face t’face.
He a’ways ‘nore us, jus’ ‘cause we get mad sometimes. But we BELIEVE in him, anyway!
Angry Sparrow: E’vybody get mad at e’vybody sometimes, but dey gets
over it.
Tragic
E’Clair: Awwww… that sounds simple enough – maybe I can
help you out *smile* --
E’Clair: All right, everyone – SMILE – say “cheese”!
Lovechild: In Santa’s case, it’s more like fromage -- and a smelly one, at that –
Buddha Girl: Eh, Santy, you sure look familler
– I swear I see you somewheres before.
Angry Sparrow: He smell familler,
too. I know dat stink.
Santa: Now, now – zat ees
not nice to say to Père Noel. ‘E may to geeve
you ze coal in ze sock, n’est pas?
Tragic
A little while later…
Santa: An’ what would YOU like, lee-tle Santa personne?
Moth: Haha! We like BIG Santy
an’ little Santy – I tink I
fit better down chimbleys dan
you. Big Santy, you can bring me LOTS ‘a tings – I wanna wagon ta hitch to my
tri-cycle, an’ I wanna buncha
NEW shoes – no ol’ used ones, NEW ones – OH! Maybe dey should match, so no one tink
I crazy –
Lovechild: Don’t worry, they KNOW -- *waves hand*
Moth: OH – an’ I wants dis “Whirled Peas” I hear dem talkin’ ‘bout all de time –
how you tink dey do dat?
Lovechild: I am NOT waiting to find out – I am SO outta
here – *slide*
Santa has another
lap-warmer…
E’Clair: I think that went pretty well, my Man of Tan. I have some nice pictures
of you and Lovechild – thankfully, it isn’t a video, so we can’t hear what all our little girl SAID –
Tancredi: Ah, what comes from ze bouches de les enfants…
I do not ‘ear ze half of eet,
any-way! I pre-fer to ‘ear what
comes from YOUR bouche sucré, ma jolie coeur. Now, tell me what YOU would like for the
Christ-mas, s’il vous plait. *dirty French chuckle*.
E’Clair: *giggle* Oh, SANTA! –
E’Clair: But I have everything I could want, really – our sweet little Lovechild,
and you, my dearest Man of Tan *kiss*. What would YOU like?
Santa Tancredi: Ah… I should like for you an’ moi we to re-treat to zat chaise longue confortable
across ze room *waggles eyebrows*.
E’Clair: *laughs* Why yes, we can do that – most happily!
Yet another little while
later…
**sounds of E’Clair and Tancredi,
giggling**
Moth: OOOOOO! Wat Santy and dat
lady doin’ now?
Buddha Girl: I STILL can’ figger out who dat Santy remine
me of – wat you tink,
sister?
Angry Sparrow: I dunno, but I tink
he a perv.
Tragic
Lovechild: Drat – I KNOW I didn’t ask for another
sibling!
And on this happy note, we at the House of Beamlette
wish all of you a VERY merry, and NON-pervy,
Christmas!
(E’Clair’s sweater and skirt by Anne in the
Of
course Christmas isn’t all about gimme-gimme, as
Raven and Blackwell demonstrate –
Have Yourself a Merry *Little* Christmas
