What Do Girls Really Want...
Posted November 17, 2007
Nigella: So, Romy, have you heard any more from him?
Hyacinth: Yes – has he even called, e-mailed, text-messaged, carrier-pidgeoned?
Romy: Nada. Zip. Zilch.
Hyacinth: What, has he left the planet altogether, then? What about his friends, have you asked them where he is?
Romy: They don’t know anything, either. I asked. But you know how it is with guys, they wouldn’t tell you anyway, even if they did know. He just doesn’t want to be found right now.
Nigella: Not to sound mean, but maybe he’s doing you an unintended favor. You said he’d begun acting oddly.
Hyacinth: Well, that’s one way of looking at it, I suppose. He was never quite on the up-and-up, I thought.
Romy: Yeah, true… lately. It was great in the beginning. I hate not knowing, though, ya know?
Nigella: It’s all part of that male mystique. We do waste a lot of time trying to understand them, don’t we? As I said before, perhaps he’s done Romy a favor, dropping out of sight.
Hyacinth: Since this seems apropos, I shall quote that old cliché, “There are more fish in the sea,” Romy.
Romy: Yeah, and they’re all pretty slippery.
Nigella: And to what do we owe your appearance, little brother?
Smythe: I came… seeking advice. Regarding a woman’s perspective. Could we… have some privacy for this?
Nigella: How opportune that you should ask! I doubt privacy shall be necessary; you have a ready-made panel of experts here, most willing to dispense advice. What say you two – dear Smythe here needs our wisdom!
Smythe: Errr – I – I don’t like to presume on your guests – it’s just that I’m in a bit of a bind, all because of a small misunderstanding --
Romy: Haven’t we all heard THAT before!
Hyacinth: Little cousin, ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been in a bind of one sort or another, always on your own account! So it’s no surprise. You’ve gone and offended some nice girl, haven’t you? And you’d like to know what would smooth it all over and get her back on your side! You think it’s THAT easy, don’t you?
Romy: And you’ve tried the classics to win her back – candy, flowers, sweet talk? Still not working?
Smythe: I don’t know – I sent a peace offering, and have heard nothing – yet.
Howell: So, Smythe, you come to the enemy camp to learn their ways. That’s one strategy, but in my opinion, not at all useful!
Hyacinth and Romy: Whaaaat? What YOU said -- !!!
Howell: Now, ladies – relax those ruffled feathers. Especially you, Hyacinth. You’re always poised to strike. You’ll wear yourself out prematurely.
Howell: Just because I couldn’t drop what I was doing and talk with you, didn’t mean you needed to resort to these desperate measures!
Smythe: It’s not so much desperate – I merely wished to study the matter from all sides –
Nigella: I wouldn’t fault you for that –
Howell: Now, now, I see I’ve gotten here just in time. Annoying little stoat that you are, you are my brother and a fellow male, so I feel responsibility to see you get the best advice in this matter. **pats back reassuringly**
Smythe: Really… are you so sure…?
Howell: Of course! It was nice seeing you, ladies, but we have serious work to do – goodbye! **whisks off Smythe**
Nigella: *giggle* I’m sure!
Hyacinth: Well – there he goes, off to get his head stuffed full of more absurd male logic and notions. As if he hadn’t plenty already!
Romy: Hmmm… I wouldn’t mind some of Howell’s notions... I think there’s bound to be some good ones there… *wink*
Nigella: Goodness knows what that poor girl Smythe’s on about will be in for NOW!
Howell got him out of there in the nick of time.
Not all women have bad advice; most sensibly Smythe turns to – Fenchurch!