And *Bebe* Makes *Trois*
Posted October 2, 2007
E’Clair: Oooooh, will I never have this child? Surely it feels cooped up in there. It kicks often enough! Oooof!
Napolean: Sister dear, the child will come when he – or she – feels the time is right. When the stars are auspiciously in alignment **waves hands skyward**. I think a child in the womb is more attuned to the universe than afterwards.
Oona: Considering this child is WAY overdue, it must know something we don’t know about the world beyond.
Oona: Is something wrong?
E’Clair: I feel wet and squishy all of a sudden –
Napolean: It couldn’t be rain, could it? **holds out hand**
Oona: Oh, goodness, I’d better go find Yoshi – I think your water’s broken!
Oona: Napolean, make yourself useful and help E’Clair into the house immediately! NOW!
Napolean: Very well. Take my arm, E’Clair. Isn’t nature amazing?
E’Clair: Not for my dress, and the chair! Oooooo…!
Oona: Yoshi, we need some help here – I think E’Clair’s baby is finally on the way.
Yoshi: Yeah? This is going to be interesting. There’s a first time for everything.
Oona: No kidding! Seriously, it’s happening as we speak.
Yoshi: Okay, then, I’m on it.
E’Clair: OWWWWWWW! OOOOOOH! WHERE is my Tan Man?
Napolean: Ah, you mean Tancredi? Shall I bring him to you for the blessed event?
E’Clair: OOOOOOF! @#$%! YES, dimwitted brother of mine! NOW!!!
Yoshi: Okay, E’Clair, I’m here, and Oona’s going to be my assistant. Oona’s got towels to put down, and I need to take a look –
E’Clair: Oh-oh-OH! OOOOOF! Tancredi, come HERE – I NEED you!
Napolean: Sister dear, I have found the happy papa for you – he is right next to me –
Tancredi: Oui, I am ‘ere for ma belle E’Clair –
Oona: F’cryin’ out loud, Tancredi, put out that cigarette! There’s a birth going on in here!
Tancredi: Vous Americains an’ your obsession avec pas de fume! Af-ter all, ze enfant, eet ees part Freench!
Tancredi: An’ ‘ow ees ma lee-tle maman do-ing?
E’Clair: Closer, my darling –
Tancredi: Any-theeng pour tu --
E’Clair: YOU B*ST*RD! YOU did this to me! When I can get up from here, I’m gonna KILL you! OWWWWWWWWW!
Tancredi: Zat ees not ma be-lov-ed E’Clair – ma petit chou would ne-vaire speak to moi like zat!
Napolean: Cabbage can be quite fierce when cornered – I speak from experience.
Oona: Tancredi, it is so NOT about YOU right now! Suck it up!
Yoshi: Here it comes – WHOA! That’s fast – and – mature!
**a little girl’s voice**
Lovechild: I AM?
Oona: Oh my goodness – her hair – Look at her hair! It’s – it’s -- braided!
Lovechild: It was something to do, to pass the time *tinkly laugh*.
E’Clair: Oh! She can talk? Already?
Lovechild: Oh, yes, mama! And I can speak French too -- Oui, Maman! Ou est mon papa?
Tancredi: Ah, zat ees in-deed ma lee-tle fille. Ici, ma lee-tle ange.
Napolean: And I am your uncle Napolean Karma Butterfly, little child of love. Here to learn all of your great eternal inborn wisdom!
Lovechild: Oh yes – you’re my NUTTY uncle, aren’t you?
Yoshi: Inborn wisdom, all right! *snerk*
E’Clair: Oh my – she’s beautiful, isn’t she, Tan darling?
Tancredi: An’ am I for-geeven, ma belle? Zose were ‘urtful things zat you say to moi.
E’Clair: Forgiven? For what? What did I say -- ?
Lovechild: You said, “@#$%!”, mama!
Tancredi: Ma belle, see what you ’ave taught our lee-tle one – zey are zo impressionable -- she’ave ze potty-bouche already, an’ not even une heure old.
But please don’t think Tancredi will become “domesticated” because of this. He ees Freench, you know!
Meantime, teen angst rears its head again for one of our shyer girls…