Spam, Spam, SPAM
Posted January 25, 2012
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Mister Frog: Wonder what Super Stevie’s doing about now…
Persephone: Why do I find myself fascinated by spam e-mail subject titles? Is it their relentless yet pedestrian efforts to get you to open their despicable and conniving e-mails?
Pete: I’m just as curious about the sender addys, and the poor shmoes whose addys’ve been hijacked. Think about YOUR addy out there, selling Viagra!
Mister Frog: I don’t like the direction of this conversation…lalalalala…
Persephone: Heaven forfend I should be on the perceived sending end of “Is stress sucking your passion” or “Change your soft destiny” – though the latter has a sort of poetry, don’t you think?
Pete: Well, yeah, if you’re into a certain kind of limerick, I guess. Yeesh – look at this one! “Non-brand help to gentlemen.” Dunno if you should go cheap when it comes to that –
Persephone: I think not, even after one has saved on timepieces offered – and here I did not think anyone WORE watches in this day and age, yet one is plied with helpful advice such as “A luxurious watch speaks wonders of you” or “Get that special watch and change your life!” or “New Tag Heuer means a new life!” or “It’s a Luxury Watch Madness!” – aptly summed up in the final word –
Pete: I don’t think I’ve worn a watch since I lost my Mickey Mouse Timex in fourth grade. Wonder if it’s still ticking, wherever it is –
Mister Frog: I’d like to have a watch… not that anybody’s asked.
Waramon: Oh look, you’re BOTH online at the same time; isn’t that just precious!
Persephone: Ignore my wayward excuse for a brother, Peter, just as you would any spam e-mail –
Pete: I’ll try. Must say I haven’t been referred to as “precious” since fourth grade, just before I lost the watch. Though there’s something about the way he said “Precious”, that sounds familiar –
Mister Frog: …and pervy…
Waramon: What a lot of e-mails, and SO friendly-sounding, too – “My Dear Friend”, “Dearest One”, “Good Will!”, “May this e-mail meet you in good health”, “Betty Sent You A Message”, “Candy Sent You A Message” – I wonder what she and Betty are like, hmmmm! –
Persephone: Waramon, cease and desist, and depart to procure your OWN computer and e-mail address. Then you may chat with them to your hearts’ content, on YOUR time –
Pete: Man, those creepy hands… was your brother a stand-in for the actor who played Gollum in LOTR, or IS he Gollum? *nervous*
Mister Frog: This’d be my cue to hop – IF I could hop...
Waramon: Oh, but you know I know nothing about how to work a computer, Persephone – perhaps your sweetheart would be a more patient tutor than you – hmmmm, dear Peter?
Pete: Nope, I’m, um, impatient – aren’t I, Perseph? VERY impatient. And call me MISTER Tomasziewski – please. *fidget*
Mister Frog: Just like I’m MISTER Frog, eh, Pete?
Waramon: In your case, Peter, I should enjoy a little manly expression of impatience to underline a lesson. Feel free to beat me if I misbehave; it’s so a part of MY learning process –
Persephone: Leave this to me, Peter; I shall make yet another, better use of my beverage bottle before recycling –
Pete: Better hurry, Perseph, before I’m forced to break some arms – sheesh, just HOW many arms does your brother have, anyway? He’s like an octopus or something –
Mister Frog: What, there’s an OCTOPUS is in the room? EEEEP –
Lytton: No surprise, when Waramon’s around there’s always screaming, threats, and flailing. What’re you menacing the nerds for then, W?
Waramon: I was merely being friendly to Persephone’s guest, taking an interest in the Wide World’s Web, and all that –
Pete: Whoever you are, thanks for distracting Mr. Hospitality –
Persephone: I concur with Pete; for once you are a welcome sight, Cousin Lytton; though you’ll be disappointed to find we’ve no alcoholic beverages to proffer –
Mister Frog: Lytton the Lush, huh?
Lytton: Not a problem; I know where I can find some.
Heh, looks like you’ve got a serious spam problem there, mate –
Pete: Yeah, Perseph and I were discussing that, until Waramon got in on the act –
Lytton: Waramon’s notion of discussion is fairly one-sided, as in, only HIS side *snort* –
Mister Frog: …ya think?...
Waramon: Oh Lytton, how can you say that? My interests are divers and broad **strokes thigh** –
Lytton: Here now, did I say you could touch the goods? Back off, before I use my elbow on your pretty face –
Persephone: Tsk – Lytton seldom remembers that pain is Waramon’s favorite sensation –
Pete: Oh yeah, I remember – so, how d’ya get him to cease and desist?
Mister Frog: Slip him a mickey?
Waramon: OUCH! Oh, my dear Lytton, that was a well-aimed blow – please, may I have some more?
Lytton: Nope! I don’t stoop to conquer, literally. You’ll have to get up off your lazy haunches if you really want more where that came from –
Persephone: Distraction, Peter – as you can see, Waramon has quite forgotten us in all this, and Lytton has his undivided attention. It is the one thing in his sodden life for which Lytton proves exceptionally useful.
Pete: Remind me to send Lytton a thank-you card –
Mister Frog: I’ll sign that!
Lytton: I’m off, then; I’ve quite lost interest in ALL of you. There’s a bottle of Stoli out there with my name on it, and I’ve got to find it before Bouddie does –
Persephone: Forgive me, Peter, for making you witness to my witless kinfolk. I pray you don’t share my headache coming on –
Pete: Eh, no big deal – we’ll just find us a place with no audience. There’s gotta be a hidey-hole here somewhere –
Persephone: Truly uncharted territory, then!
Will P&P ever find their longed-for solitude? Possibly…
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